Monday, October 10, 2005


Think about the interrelationship of all things.
the scientific fact that when two items are in intimate contact for any length of time there always remains some undefineable connection between them.
I am thinking about this in specific relation to death.
Its hard for me personally to understand some of the idealogies of 'ancestor worship'.. for example- if we are to believe in reincarantion, and that shortly after death of this body the spirit (eternal part par excelelence) enters a new body- how is it that they are answering petitions?
If we are the ancestor of someone who is praying to us- what part of us (obviiusly unconscious) is responding to them?
Are we so powerful in our spirit-state that we can be accomplishing many tasks at the same time?
The Norse (Asatru) belief surrounding the soul is that it is composed of nine seperate levels which, as part of the path to enlightenment, need to be recongelaed and brought back into one form. Part of our nine levels of self could be out serving our ancestors!

I guess this all stems from some current study about radionics and radiesthesia I am doing. And in the same belief, the inner workings of sympathetic magic- that because your hair was once in connection to you- i can affect you through the things which I do to it.

We have people, things, places, etc. which we have had some intimate contact with all over the place- and it we think about this on a soul continuum scale (past lives) theres even more.

What are the chances that by the time we hit 'the goal', we will exist in some form in every place at every time by the fact that those places witnessed us?
Kind of intense.

Choose to associate yourself with what bring positive, progressive energy.
Then you do not need the employment of some talisman or bundle- you become it.

photo 1: Nigerian Ancestral Shrine
photo 2: Japanese Ancestral Altar
photo 3: Radionics Machine

Sunday, October 09, 2005


Because the world speaks in thunder.

Because the world spins and is never still.

Look to the dark...
Because where there is dark there is sure to be light.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Suicide Ocean

And alas another night hanging out at home, trying to keep warm amidst an unpaid gas bill. score.

The last few days ive been contemplaying the role of the Divine (Goddess, Specifically- because the conundrum is more intense I think) as detroyer and murderer.
I have been spending a lot of time with the phrase "She gives birth to all life, the she destroys it". I think im blessed because I can see through what many followers of the Dark Gods consider "hard to comprehend" to the western mind.

My suggestion to the western mind- stop using it so much =)
So- My thoughts have very much been with the divine mother as giver of life- and destroyer of the myriad demons. And of course- the more we contemplate the destruction of demons- the more we realize that we are the holders of the demon. It is she who creates enlightenment, she who creates bondage which strays from enblightenment, and she who is the pulse of acrid blood in the veins of our proverbial demons.
She is simultaneously the savior and the distressor- and its perfect.
In no other way have I felt the aspect-laden divine described or portrayed in such a perfect way. we have abandoned the all love and all light ways of many faiths when dealing with the Shakta-Hindu vision of the mother goddess- She has accepted all things as here own- good, evil, blood, lust, birth, death, decay, infancy, seniorty, prostitution, suicide... all of it- and in some way, she blessed all of it.
For the lowliest of the socially imposed chain- she is an accessible divine form- and for the king, she is accessible as well. I have found that in dealing with La Santisima Muerte of the Mexican Peoples, she is mostly revered by the lower/poverty class of people because she accepts all of them. She IS death, and this will turn none of the living away. I notice within the Hindu pantheon that Kali and Chinammasta Ma are very much accepted by all castes and reach to the depths and the heights in social structure.All glories to the mother who creates us that she may destroy us.
purify us in your wrathful fires of hell that we may become subtle once again.

1- KaliShivaji
2-Mayan Mother Goddess
4-Kali of Kalighat

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Holy Death

In the name of the father
The Son and the Holly Spirit,
Immaculate light being,
I implore you to grant me the favours
I ask for, till the last day, Hour and moment
In which your divine Majesty gives the Order to take me to Your presence.
Dear Death of my hearth,
Do not abandon me with your protection.
Death as we see it in the new world is something to be avoided at all cost.
the closed lid of the casket- or the painted face of the blue-grey corpse..
the meat in the deli, pacjaged and dyed with no remeniscence of its living origin...
we fear death because we are addicted to life.

I have bee spending a lot of time contemplating and studying the Dia De Los Muertes traditions of Modern Mexico. The celebration as it is now hails from an ancient Azteca festival honoring the dead who, during the halloween time of year, are allowed pervasiveness into our material world. Offerings are left out for the deceased to please and feed them- in return they deliver prayers back to the Divine and give their blessings and protection to the household.

I think that the closeness to death these people have is pretty remarkable.
They are living in a society where death is a daily occurence- and where around each turn, a loved one may be lost.
Poverty, hunger, disease, war, violent crimes fed by need and exposure to the elements all force these people to face death now or spend every waking moment in fear.
I would be willing to bet that, although not up to par with the american standards of life, these people live a more peaceful, emotionally sound and spiritually based life than any of us.
I embrace the idea of death.
I think it is just a dream- a transformation.
To die is to seperate the subtle from the heavy and know- even for one moment of disembodiment before the next plunge into incarnate living happens- what the truth look slike without eyes.
I think at this time of year we should all be facing death, thanking death, knowing death, and remembering those who have gone through 'the ultimate rite of purification'.

What strikes me as odd is the very Savior of the Christians (the predominant US 'religion') dies a mortal and morbid death for their benefit- Yet they avoid the discuess in most cases at all cost.
The Christ died by pain and by bloodhsed- by hunger and by dehydration, by suffocation and by torment- that the people would see he was not afraid. From his place upon the lofty cross as the subtle threads which bound him to his body he could see the truth without eyes.
The Hindu saint Bhaktivinode Thakura- with whom (in addition to M. Gandhi) I share a birthday and so I studied his insights pretty siligently- said that the greatest spiritual truth is that we must "DIE TO LIVE".
his whole philosophy was based on figurative, subtle, egotictis and literal death- and this guy was on fire in spirit.
ill think about it... i hope you will to.
dont be afraid of that which removes all fear.

1 and 2- La Santisima Muerta
3- unkown artist
4- Dia De Los Muertos Altar

Appearance Day #26

So... yesterday was my birthday. A good one at that.
Since that time at 11:40pm MST on october the second, i have been annyongly optimistic about the year ahead and in making many transformations and winning many goals in my life. I also, on the otherhand, have entered a dark soul phase. I am really disconnected right now from the Spirit and its frustrating me. the lack of connection to faces of the Gods is getting me down. The fact that I dont 'belong; to any school of thought is disturbing me. I am proud to be a 'freestyle shaman', but it can get lonely. Its hard for me to explain what I believe and what i practice to other people. Its hard for me to convey where the power comes from when i dont have 'this god' or 'that religion' to back it up. I am just a bit dismayed at the moment- it will pass. I was going to meditate earler and confront the issues but I have decided to research some Azteca Philosophy instead for the time being. Ill get to it when i fell a bit more centered.

I think there is such an interesting nuance in the new-age world. I feel that the darkness and fear has been replaced entirely with more talk about white light and peace. I am all for white light and peace- but I also know that when I feel this way- and when I have had even more intense and longer boughts of 'Dark Night Of The Soul" type experiences- there nothing white light or peace can do for me. I am suffering for the simple sake of suffering and most who practice the left-hand way of Shamanism know the Gods do love suffering in their honor. we definately should love it- to emerge more strong and clear... to leave a dark period with more understanding and honor than any other experience could possibly have afforded us. I think its really nice at times like this to remember what called a prospective shaman in many world tribal/primitive cultures; a severe disease, near death experience, life threatening injury, etc. Why it is exaclty that we are purified and trained both through the modailty of suffering is only know to those who have taken that bitter pill and lived through to ascend totally. I know it has something to do with simply learning one of the biggest lessons- that we are not this body and that we, as unique spirit souls, move in and move on when this body and life no loner serve our progress.

Had I any connection to a divinity at this moment in my life- i think a bloodletting would be very beneficial.. i always have a hard time making offertory or whatever to 'the basic gods'. no one ever said the eccentric and ecclectic way would be easy- and thats why i took it, ill never get bored.

Take the test of Xibalba if you dare.. not to be toyed with =)

1- Aztec god of bloodletting/piercing

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Ladder

to me, the ladder is the perfect expression of the spiritual persuit.
the ability to use your own strength to climb and/or descend to a specific place (state of consciousness/being) is both empowering and realistic.
The symbol of the Ladder has been mostly used in shamanic context- representing the ascent to the celestial realms or the descent into the otherworld/ancestral realms.
A few different shamanic cultures construct totem-pole like statues which resemble ladders to meditate upon while entering entheogenic-induced trance states.
I built my meditation ladder from apple tree branches. It has three rungs- one for each of the three worlds I accept as part of the cosmos. I hav'nt worked with it much yet- but i plan to =)
Today is my 26th birthday- I hope the rungs of my ladder are strong and my will to climb is relentless. I also had a ladder symbol cut into my back against the spine. I needed to ground a bunch of new feelings and new realizations, and i really felt compelled to do it in this way. I was able to get a lot out of the experience of the wounds healing and fading away- and I was able to really absorb the power of the Ladder through that cutting experience.

The ladder shows us our varied levels of consciousness/awareness... it reminds us that we have a journey to take and 'up' is'nt always the best/right way, it gives us stability when we are off the ground and its many crossed poles show the inevitable twists-and-turns of the spiritual path.
I choose to climb.

Peace & Blessings..

1- unknown medieval christian rendition of the ascention
2- Native American Shamanic Ladder
3-Adobe Ladder

Tuesday, September 27, 2005



so i guess im blogging now. probably a good idea- i think i have lots to say. my blog will mostly be about spiritual trips, realizations, thoughts, concerns and the like. a good healthy mix of every-day-life should acocmpany the mystical psychobabble =)

will post some photos and the like soon =)

until first real post...
Peace & Blessings.